"Lucas ... a balls" up by HHH

Sorry to be so long winded but we are buried over here with dogs!! the Spanish are weird in so far that they expect us to be on hand 24 hrs. a day. Today I was out at the back of our house applying the tenth coat of varnish to a 200 year  old Cortijo window frame, intended to be a new cabinet for the extended kitchen. All hell let loose as someone wrung the bell at the front gates and our Alsatian and the back up crew of Porcea,, the sausage dog belonging to Lucas,  fronted the charge. The Spanish bloke standing on the other side of the gates was not concerned as he hung onto his Alsatian cross. i eventually arrived to greet him with the usual "Kaypassa"  which has so many meanings its ridiculous. On this occasion  I meant "what do you want?"  Sure enough he had arrived on Dec, the 23rd and wanted a kennel from today to the 26th......and "could we do it cheaper as it was a long stay"?  Cant beat the Spanish for cheek .!
Anyway, that has Naff all to do with why I write to you.

Sunday morning, coffee on the patio with Lucas and his friends, Paco and Emma and the question was, did we need anything bringing home as they were off  to the market  at Casseriche. This is the largest market in our part of Andalusia and is our favorite way of spending Sunday........and a little dinero.
So the 3 of them were walking down one of the 5 rows of stalls when suddenly Lucas gave out a yell and grabbed his crotch.  Emma was first to react with "what the frigs up with you?  This is as a result of a genteel upbringing in Warrington!!  Lucas was at that time hopping around and making strange types of moans and groans..  "Something has just bit me balls"   Emma to the front again..   "No Lucas,... you should say "something has bitten my testicles"    Lucas scowled at her and said "you aint got bloody testicles so belt up as i am in agony!  Paco put his arm around Lucas and said he would take him to the nearest hospital if he thought that was what he needed.....so they drove him to Ecija hospital... 30 kilometers away.........by which time Lucas was really in trouble. 
Lucas was duly signed in and eventually saw a doctor who admitted he had no idea why his testicle was swelling at the rate it was. Two hours from being bitten one testicle had swollen to the size of a good tennis ball and Lucas had to have morphine to ease the pain. I felt sorry for the other little testicle that was missing all the attention. Helen and I had arrived at the hospital as Lucas was looking for a bit of support. Eventually they transferred him to a larger hospital in Osuna where the nurses and the Staff were amazed to see the wonders of a testicle that had now swollen to 5 inch round!!! There was talk of taking bets on what time it would explode! None of the doctors had any idea why he had such a wondrous appendage until the bloke from "Tropical Diseases" arrived. At this point I must point out that the hospital system is not like England.  If you have to stay in hospital, one of your relatives must be with you 24 hrs. In Spain, nurses are to provide drugs, inject you, check all your vital signs...but not to change your bedding, take you to xrays, wash you or anything that your relative can do. So Helen and mesen had to work out how to look after Lucas and the goats, the dogs, cats, geese, pigeons, chickens, .......and any borders in the kennels. So.....we did 12 hours each for ten days and one way another we survived,,,,,,,,,,,,,and thank God, eventually
so did Lucas. The tropical Disease doctor said it was a Caribbean Spider that had bitten him and specified the drugs needed. Two moths later Lucas can not lift anything heavy without pain.....but he will mend up.
 The moral to the story?            If you come to Andalusia on holiday....at night..never leave your knickers on the floor!!!!!!!!!!!
Love from the  Triple H.